Bittersweet

I wrote this a week after my little sister, Tiffani, got married and never posted it. Thought I would now. Here goes...


So, a week ago Friday (October 9th) was my little sister's wedding day. It was a great wedding. The venue was really pretty. The rehearsal dinner the night before was nice. The rehearsal itself of course was boring! But so was mine when I got married. But ya know, just technical stuff that you have to run through. Then the dinner was at Zane's parents' house. I was nice. Good food and a cute set up. Both Tiff and Zane said a little word. And it was then that I started to notice a few things. What happened to our relationship? When we were little my sister loved me. And when I was in high school, she came to me and talked to me about important things. Then I went through the 18-20 year old stage where I moved out and wasn't around as much. Then there was my wedding and she was in it. And then she graduated from high school and she went through that 18-20 year old stage. You know, the stage where your friends are way more important than you family. The one where you hang out with them and don't hang with family as much. So I guess in my mind I thought when she came out of that stage we would pick up where we kind of left off and as adults we would be friends like my mom and her sister are. That's what I had hoped for. I thought surely, esp. once she got to be somewhat where I was in life (being married and all) that we might have more in common and that we would be close. So I was very happy for her, but her wedding just made me realize that what I thought would come to be isn't going to be at all. We aren't close and it doesn't look like we will be any time soon unless something changes. So back the the night before her wedding... we were at the dinner and Tiff got up to say a few words. Mostly she just thanked her parents for paying for the wedding and thanked my dad for spoiling her. I know she felt more, but she didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Then Zane got up and made this nice speech about his family and he teared up. So sweet! He also thanked his buddies and said something to them. Then after that Tiff came back and mentioned that she had cards for her girls and thanked them for being there. That was it. Just made me look at how close Zane's family is and how not close our family is. It bothered me a bit. Then I stayed the night with Tiff and all of the bridesmaids. All of her friends are really nice, but I just don't really fit into that group. In spite of that, we had a good time. Tiff gave all of us a little note. IT was cute. She basically thanked me for throwing her bridal shower and told and me I am good at that kind of stuff. That's all I mean to her? Then I thought about it. I don't think I gave my sisters a note before I got married. So I guess that doesn't really matter. Then on the wedding day we spent all day going around. I felt the whole day like I was there because Tiff was more or less obligated to ask me to be in her wedding since I'm her sister, not because she really wanted me to be. I know, I know... it was her day. It's not all about me! I am just trying to make the point that my relationship with my sister is not what I thought it would be. Not what I want it to be. I am not doubting whether or not she cares about me. After all, I am her only sister. But you can love a family member and still have a superficial relationship with them. Suck to say that, but that's what we have. A very superficial relationship. We only talk at family events or when we happen to see each other at my dad's house. And even then it's really only a "Hey, how are you?" kind of thing. No real conversation. I find it funny how 2 people can have so much in common and yet be so different at the same time. Most of what I know about what's going on in her life is only because my step mom, Tammy, is kind enough to fill me in on everything "Tiffani." As for my new brother-in-law...Zane seems to be a great guy, but that's really all I can say. He's very nice to me but I really don't know much about him, other than what meets the eye. So, all in all, I guess my hope and prayer for this next year to come, is that my sister would realize how far apart we really are and have the desire to want to be closer. Like I said before, I would love to have the type of relationship my mom and my Aunt Dee have. That would be nice. But since it takes two to make that happen, I stuck with what I've got unless there is a change on the other end. And if not, at least I have another sister to work on! I want to be just as close with Kelsey, and with whoever she will marry someday (hopefully Robert! He's great!). I am very pleased to say that we are on the right road for that to come to be!What can I say, I love my family. I am definitely a family girl and I wouldn't have it any other way!