Halloween

So, I've been seeing all these pictures on Facebook from Halloween. Everyone, it seems, does something for Halloween. I grew up going to Fall Festivals at church, dressing up, trick-or-treating on my street, making Jack-o-lanterns, etc. It was fun. For the time being, Leonard and I don't do anything Halloween. He grew up in a family that doesn't even acknowledge October 31st as being Halloween. In his family, it's just another day. I don't have a problem with that. Leonard doesn't at all feel deprived in any way from not doing what everyone else was doing growing up. So I have given that up and we don't do anything. However, looking at all of the pics of the little kids, and remembering the fun times I had going over to get the special treat bag from my Nannie's house and going trick-or-treating to my Mamaw's house with the special pumpkin bags we had, and all of the other fun memories I have makes me realize that giving up Halloween is fine for now, but I think I might feel differently once we have a child. It's not about Halloween necessarily. We don't really "celebrate" it, but I see no harm in dressing up and going to a church fall festival or trick-or-treating on our street. I want my kids to have some of the fun experiences that I had. So I guess we will reevaluate where we stand on that one once we have a little one. Until then, though the dressing up and costume parties are all fun, I'll be skippin' out on those! And just to clarify, when the time comes, if Leonard feels so strongly about no doing anything on Halloween like the way his dad does, then I will respect that and we won't do anything. Yes, my child would miss out on a few things.. and yes, that would set our kids apart from other kids in our family, but I love Leonard and I respect him, and as the leader in our home I feel the ultimate decision should be his. Thankfully, I am married to a man who always listens to my point of view also, and is very considerate of what I want. I have no doubt that when we come to that bridge, we will cross it with no problems and come to an agreement on something that both of us can be happy with! Enough said!

K.D. Bodyworks

So, I have decided to call my massage therapy business K.D. Bodyworks. I am super excited about getting my business started. I've ordered some business cards to use for now, and I am having someone make me some custom cards as well, plus some brochures or post cards with info. Len registered my domain name. My website is under construction right now. It will be www.KDBodyworks.com. Right now is has an automatic link to my massage blog with all of my info and prices and stuff like that. We are going today to open an account. Then I will be going to Body Logic for supplies. To start with I'm just getting the basics...a couple of new sheet sets, and some lotions. I think I might subscribe to one of the massage magazines too. Then I am going to order Book keeping for Bodyworkers from Massage Minder along with an appointment book. Then we are going to pay for my liability insurance and I will officially be up and running. My first appointment is on November 15th! I am planning some marketing and promo stuff in December. I'm ready for all of this to pay off! And of course, I am super excited about training to be am infant massage instructor next year for my CE credits! That should be fun and since I work for Primrose with the infants I will have plenty of moms to advertise to! Yeah! Well, that's all. Just wanted to say that I"m excited about my biz! Later!

Bittersweet

I wrote this a week after my little sister, Tiffani, got married and never posted it. Thought I would now. Here goes...


So, a week ago Friday (October 9th) was my little sister's wedding day. It was a great wedding. The venue was really pretty. The rehearsal dinner the night before was nice. The rehearsal itself of course was boring! But so was mine when I got married. But ya know, just technical stuff that you have to run through. Then the dinner was at Zane's parents' house. I was nice. Good food and a cute set up. Both Tiff and Zane said a little word. And it was then that I started to notice a few things. What happened to our relationship? When we were little my sister loved me. And when I was in high school, she came to me and talked to me about important things. Then I went through the 18-20 year old stage where I moved out and wasn't around as much. Then there was my wedding and she was in it. And then she graduated from high school and she went through that 18-20 year old stage. You know, the stage where your friends are way more important than you family. The one where you hang out with them and don't hang with family as much. So I guess in my mind I thought when she came out of that stage we would pick up where we kind of left off and as adults we would be friends like my mom and her sister are. That's what I had hoped for. I thought surely, esp. once she got to be somewhat where I was in life (being married and all) that we might have more in common and that we would be close. So I was very happy for her, but her wedding just made me realize that what I thought would come to be isn't going to be at all. We aren't close and it doesn't look like we will be any time soon unless something changes. So back the the night before her wedding... we were at the dinner and Tiff got up to say a few words. Mostly she just thanked her parents for paying for the wedding and thanked my dad for spoiling her. I know she felt more, but she didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Then Zane got up and made this nice speech about his family and he teared up. So sweet! He also thanked his buddies and said something to them. Then after that Tiff came back and mentioned that she had cards for her girls and thanked them for being there. That was it. Just made me look at how close Zane's family is and how not close our family is. It bothered me a bit. Then I stayed the night with Tiff and all of the bridesmaids. All of her friends are really nice, but I just don't really fit into that group. In spite of that, we had a good time. Tiff gave all of us a little note. IT was cute. She basically thanked me for throwing her bridal shower and told and me I am good at that kind of stuff. That's all I mean to her? Then I thought about it. I don't think I gave my sisters a note before I got married. So I guess that doesn't really matter. Then on the wedding day we spent all day going around. I felt the whole day like I was there because Tiff was more or less obligated to ask me to be in her wedding since I'm her sister, not because she really wanted me to be. I know, I know... it was her day. It's not all about me! I am just trying to make the point that my relationship with my sister is not what I thought it would be. Not what I want it to be. I am not doubting whether or not she cares about me. After all, I am her only sister. But you can love a family member and still have a superficial relationship with them. Suck to say that, but that's what we have. A very superficial relationship. We only talk at family events or when we happen to see each other at my dad's house. And even then it's really only a "Hey, how are you?" kind of thing. No real conversation. I find it funny how 2 people can have so much in common and yet be so different at the same time. Most of what I know about what's going on in her life is only because my step mom, Tammy, is kind enough to fill me in on everything "Tiffani." As for my new brother-in-law...Zane seems to be a great guy, but that's really all I can say. He's very nice to me but I really don't know much about him, other than what meets the eye. So, all in all, I guess my hope and prayer for this next year to come, is that my sister would realize how far apart we really are and have the desire to want to be closer. Like I said before, I would love to have the type of relationship my mom and my Aunt Dee have. That would be nice. But since it takes two to make that happen, I stuck with what I've got unless there is a change on the other end. And if not, at least I have another sister to work on! I want to be just as close with Kelsey, and with whoever she will marry someday (hopefully Robert! He's great!). I am very pleased to say that we are on the right road for that to come to be!What can I say, I love my family. I am definitely a family girl and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Dreaming of Jesus

So I said I would blog about this dream that I had about Jesus' return, so here it is! For those who have never heard me say this, I trend to have very vivid dreams. It has to do with the fact that I have narcolepsy. A dream to me is more like a hallucination, seeming very real! Anyhow, I have a lot of spiritual dreams. Last night I had one about the second coming of Jesus. I was in a house. It was my Dad's old house in Mesquite, which is where I lived during high school. Only now it was mine and Leonard's home. We were just at home one day when something told me to quickly get out of the house. So we walked out into the front yard. First I noticed an animal or two in the field next to to the house. I thought nothing of it at first since it was just a couple of dogs. Then a couple of other animals, like a coyote and a cow walked into the field. All four animals took the same position. They put their heads to the ground with their rear in the air like they were bowing. It reminded me of the opening scene to the first Lion King movie. Within , the next few minutes a series of events took place. All animals that were around gathered into one place, all bowing down. Even the birds came to the ground. All of the trees began to move an if their was heavy wind, only it wasn't windy. The sun was shining brighter than I had ever seen, but the weather was nice. It wasn't really hot. Then I heard a series of trumpet calls. And then I looked up and saw Jesus appear in the sky accompanied by a heavenly host of angels. He was just there...walking around in the sky. Not floating or flying, but looked just as if he were walking on solid ground. There were tons of angels. I know angels don't have a gender, but in my dream there were some that appeared more masculine and some that were more feminine. Behind Jesus there was a line of masculine looking angels. They stood strong and tall like warriors and wore armor made from gold. Each one played a trumpet. Scattered through out the sky were more feminine looking angels. They looked like what you would see in a typical picture of an angel. They wore long flowing gowns and were floating in the air. Some of them played harps, and other had bells. I saw one or two angels with huge bells that were swinging in the air like a pendulum on a clock. Then there were some angels dancing and some singing. They all had gorgeous white feathered wings that were enormous when stretched out. A couple of angels were in front of Jesus on their knees with their wings wrapped around them covering their faces. I'd never seen anything so beautiful. The singing angels were singing a song they drew me in. Almost like being under a spell. It just captured my attention. Though I had never heard this song before I knew all of the words and began singing along. The angels were saying, "Sing! Sing! All rise and sing! Today is the day to praise the King! Lift up your hands, Lift up your voice! All God's people now rejoice! No other name than the name of Jesus. Emmanuel! Emmanuel! He died to save us! Jesus, Jesus! On Earth again! Jesus, Jesus, The Beginning and the End!" It was a beautiful song. When they sang "Lift up your hands" my hands shot to the sky uncontrollably. Then I found myself singing loudly and dancing. It was like the Spirit was moving in me and I had no control over my own body. The funny thing is I still remember the words to the song and the melody. I looked around and the animals were all calling out loudly. You would think it would just sound like a zoo gone wild, but it was a very harmonious sound. Two stunning angels came while my hands were lifted and slipped a white gown on to me. My clothes just disappeared off of my body once the gown was on me. Then two large white birds came and tied a shining gold rope around my waist. I felt like I was Cinderella at the beginning of the movie when her bird friends help her get dressed. It was all a little strange, but pleasant, and I was filled with joy like I had never felt before. The whole time all of this was happening Jesus had his eye on me. Watching me and smiling. After being clothed by the angels, Jesus looked down and said, "Come to me!" I started floating into the sky. I got to him and was speechless. I kind of just stood there not knowing what to do or say. I was in awe. I had the whole eyes wide open with my jaw dropped look going on. He took my hand a visions ran through my head. He showed me things that were happening everywhere. Things like the events I had been seeing were taking place everywhere. The animals gathering in groups and bowing and the trees dancing. It was happening all over the world. The mountains lowered themselves so that no mountain was higher than were Jesus stood in the sky. The rivers were flowing wildly. All the lakes looked like oceans with unusual waves. The oceans were crashing in a way that made a beautiful sound. Is was as if all of God's creations were praising Jesus. I wondered if I was the only person experiencing this. I looked around and saw no other people. It was so very personal. Like Jesus had come just for me. Then He took me to this place in the sky where we were joined by millions of other believers who had also been clothes in white robes with gold belts. Everyone had experienced the same thing at the same time, but each person having their own unique experience alone with Jesus. That's when I woke up. The alarm was going off. I rolled over and shook my hubby to turn the alarm off. I was like, "I need more sleep! I need to finish my dream!" Anyway, needless to say it was a great dream! Strange how I dream things like that in such great detail!

Continually Surrendering...When problems come your way!

Wow, it had been quit a while since I have posted anything. So, in my life right now, things could be better, but Leonard and I are doing okay. Just taking life one day at a time. Most anyone who knows me knows that I have been wanting to have a baby for a long time now. One of my last posts was called "Ready to Surrender" and was about how I have finally surrendered that area of my life to the Lord. Well, since then, a few events have taken place that have really challenged me to continue to surrender on a daily basis. It can be so hard not to pick up the feelings that I had before. I never lost the desire to be a mother. I just decided to trust God with that part of my life and let Him take care of everything so that I don't have to worry about it. The anxiety and anxiousness, and impatience, and jealousy, and hurt...I feel all of these things and more when I begin to worry about having a child and when that will happen for us. I thought I was done with all of that, but it's so easy to just pick it all up again, esp. with current circumstances. So you are probably wondering by now what happened. (the following is personal... if you don't want TMI you may want to stop reading here.)

So it all started in mid June. I had a really bad tooth ache (I have terrible teeth, but that's another story!) I was in severe pain and wanted to take a heavy pain killer so I could sleep that night. Since I had been having some abnormal symptoms and had not had a period in over a month, I thought I should take a pregnancy test just to be safe. So I did, and surprise! I got a positive on 2 tests. I was thrilled! I thought it was a perfect time and all of the feelings of wanting to be a mom immediately surfaced. I could not believe it! So I didn't take the pain killer after all. I called the next day and was excited when I found out there was an appointment open that day. Usually you have to wait at least a week when you book an appointment. It was a Friday no I really wanted to confirm with my doctor before the weekend. So we went in and the urine test at the doctor's test was negative. My OBGYN told me that sometimes urine tests are not accurate, but that blood work would not lie. So she put in an order for a blood test. The way it works is by taking blood twice two days apart. Then they measure the amount of the pregnancy hormone that is in your blood. It doubles every two days once you become pregnant so by comparing the two samples of blood they would be able to determined whether or not I was pregnant. So Monday comes and I went in to have the second blood sample taken. I would have to wait a couple of days for the results. That night, not knowing if I was pregnant or not, I started bleeding. We just assumed that I had not been pregnant after all. That night I was awake all night long. I was in so much pain I thought I was going to die! Seriously! I was having very heavy bleeding and very severe cramping. So the next morning we called the doctor. Leonard had to call four or five times before they put him through to the nurse. She called my OBGYN who was in surgery at the hospital to let her know what was going on. She said we wanted to see me immediately. So we had to go to the ER at the hospital. We checked in and then she came down to see us, which is when she told me the results to my blood test were negative. That was somewhat of a relief because I would have been really upset if it would have been a miscarriage. So she gave me some drugs to slow the bleeding and some for the pain. That was on June 16th.

I was supposed to take the meds for all of that week and come beck for a follow up the following week. Well, I wasn't able to get off work and go for the follow up that next week. I was doing fine so I thought I was okay. Then, on the week of July 1st, the cramping and bleeding started again. So we went in and she examined me and did some blood work. The results to the blood tests were normal. She scheduled an ultrasound to check me out which I am having done this week on Thursday. Hopefully that will tell something. It's obviously not normal for me to be bleeding so much. I just want to know what is wrong with me so we can get it fixed. I don't want to take any chances because if something major goes wrong with your reproductive system they take it out and I do not want a hysterectomy! I want to be able to have children!

So as you can see we have had some tough times over the past month. At this point, I will be glad if we find out that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am definitely able to get pregnant. And if there is something wrong, we will deal with it. Whether it be our own child or by adopting, I feel that it is definitely in the Lord's will that Leonard and I be parents some day! I know that the Lord will not send anything our way that we cannot handle with His help! And if I do have something wrong, please remind me that I said that after I find out! Life isn't always easy...Praise the Lord! I am so blessed to be serving an amazing God who gave his son for me, so that I might have a relationship with Him, and it is Him who will pick me up and carry me through the tough times when I am just too weak to walk on my own!

Sermon notes from Tuesday Night Experiece at CFNI!

Courage...what keeps us from having courage? Fear. The problem is that so many of us are bound up by fear. A lot of times it is the fear of what others will think or do. Courage beings when you come to the point where you just don't care! So, #1) You have to figure out who you are. When King Saul told David that he could not fight because he was only a boy, he replied saying " Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from it's mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by it's hair, struck it, and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." Saul said to David, "Go, and the Lord be with you." (1 Samuel 17:34-37) David knew who he was! He knew that if he could take down the lion and the bear, then surely with the help of the Lord he could take down Goliath. What's the "bear" or "lion" in your life? Don't dance with the bear or flirt with the lion... take them down in the name of Jesus! #2) Know who you are not! Verses 38 and 39 tell us that King Saul tried to dress David in his own tunic and armor, but David said he could not go out in them because he was not used to them. David knew who he was not! It is time to shed the armor of trying to be someone else! #3)When you go to battle the enemy says "Be Frightened, Be Scared!" but God says "Be Courageous!" Who will you listen to? Know that when you stand up to the enemy, he will despise you for it. (vs. 40-44) #4) Recognize the presence of God in your life as David did. After Goliath tried to intimidate him David replied to him. It says beginning in vs. 45... David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands." That is a very powerful verse passage! Do you recognize God's presence in your life? When is it that you yell out for someone? When they are far away, right? So why then do we sometimes yell out for God? Usually it is because those are the times when we feel God isn't near, but He is! Praise the Lord! We just need to recognize His presence and all it takes is a whisper to tell him "God I need you." And He will be there in your time of need. It is through Him and Him alone that we can find the strength and the courage to do what needs to be done even when we are afraid. If you don't recognize His presence and you feel that God is distant, you need to take a look at the 3 Ts. Time, Talk, and Thoughts. What do you invest most of your time in? What do you talk about the most? What are your thoughts about? Are they about God or something else? Whatever you put the 3 Ts toward will begin to grow. So instead of feeding something else, take time for God. Talk about Him to others and what He is doing in your life, and think about Him through out the day. Then you will begin to recognize His presence! #5) vs. 48- "As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him." David was probably a little scared, but he did not let that stop him from doing what needed to be done! It is okay to have fear as long as the fear doesn't hold you back. Instead, run to the battle line and deal with it! The rest of chapter 17 tells us of the great victory the army of Israel had that day over the Philistine army after David killed Goliath. With only a sling and a stone, David struck him to the ground, went over and drew Goliath's sword, killed him, and cut off his head just as he said he would. And so the final point is this...#6) When we do as the Lord has called us to do, allowing Him to work through us H will give us the courage we need to overcome. He will take whatever it is that the enemy intended to use to harm you or to scare you, and He will use it for a victory in your life! It's time for the giants in our lives to die! It's time for fear to loose it's place in our lives! Time to be courageous! Wow! I have never gotten so much from this story! Thanks to Pastor Tom Elmore for a great sermon at the Tuesday Night Experience at Christ for the Nations. Check in next week for my sermon notes!

Tuesday Night Experience

On a normal Tuesday evening, I come home from work, change clothes, and Leonard and I hop in the car to go to the Young Adults Life Team at my friend Judith's house in Garland. I don't get home until 6:15, so we stop at Taco Bueno before jumping on the highway since it starts at 7:00p.m. I was really excited when this life team first started. I was glad to get to spend more time getting to know the people close to my age on a more personal level. Now this group is my closest group of friends. I love hanging out with them, but as for the Bible study itself I'm not satisfied. Every week we have a more in depth discussion about the topic from Sunday's sermon. Well, the weeks that I hear the sermon, it's not so bad. However, Leonard and I both work in Kidventure every other week and don't hear the sermon. Another problem is that we often get distracted and chase rabbit tails. I feel that most of the time, I am the one who talks or leads our discussion off topic. I feel as though I am the distraction. I don't think I am the only one, but I know a lot of times it is me. I think I have just grown comfortable with our group and sometimes I just want to sit and talk. I have trouble focusing. I love my friends, but I am just not getting much out of going to the Bible Study. It just seems like a waste to rush home from work, eat dinner in the car, and drive all the way from Irving to Garland when I am not growing or being challenged. Well, like I mentioned in my post "My Spiritual Journey", God is really stiring up some things in me right now and I need to be in a place where I can focus on God, and where I get hear good teaching of God's word, and where I can grow! I'm hungry for more! One of the big decisions that I am in prayer over right now is about going back to school. I have seriously been looking into going to Christ for Nations. So this past Tuesday Leonard and I went to their service that is open to the public. It's called Tuesday Night Experience. It was amazing! The worship was Spirit-filled and very high energy, the prayer time was incredible, and the sermon was great too! Of all of the times I have heard the story David and Goliath (having grown up going to Sunday school every week that's a lot of times!) I have never been so moved by the story like I was on Tuesday. I left there feeling empowered! Leonard and I are still thinking about where to go on Tuesdays. I think we are leaning toward alternating between the life team and the Tuesday Night Experience at CFNI. We are still praying about it! We will see how things turn out.

Ready To Surrender!

On May 27th, 2009 my husband, Leonard, and I will be celebrating our third anniversary. Six months into our marriage we decided to toss out the birth control and trust the Lord to give us a baby when the time was right. In my mind, I thought I would be pregnant in the next couple of months. For Leonard, sooner or later wasn't an issue. He knew he wanted to someday be a father but wasn't in any rush to have a baby. I went into each month thinking "Maybe this will be the month!" Time passed and still nothing. Over time I watched several women that I know get pregnant and have a baby. Some of them were unmarried girls. I thought to myself..."Here I am, a married woman, with a loving husband and she's not even married! I deserve to be a mother, not her!" And there were a couple of friends who were married but not trying to have a baby. I thought to myself..."Why? Why does she get something that my heart aches for? I deserve to be a mother, not her!" I was very bitter. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. SO after a year of trying I had some basic testing done and everything seems to be normal. I really struggled with the thought of "What if I can't have a baby?" I have known for a very long time that I am meant to be a mother. I have a love for children inside of me that is so strong. I've just been very impatience and it has really caused some emotional downs for me. Well, I am finally ready to surrender! Over the past week the Lord has given me a peace about the whole situation. I'm not sure what changed, but I am finally accepting the idea that maybe God wants to use my passion for children in areas other than motherhood. I know someday I will be a mother, whether it is having my own or adopting, but if now is not the time I am okay with that. I feel such a burden lifted off my shoulders now that I have come to a point where I can just completely trust God and let go. It's amazing how great it feels to be able to say with an honest heart "Here I am Lord! Take me where you want me! Use me for Your Glory!" So, coming to this point means two things. #1)For my best friend... If you read this, I am ready to be excited for you and the 2nd baby on the way! I'm sorry I wasn't when you first told me. I am happy for you and I'm sure I will love this one as much as I love your first baby! And if it's a girl, I still think you should name her Kristin! LOL! I love you and I'm looking forward to you coming back home later in the year so I can give you a baby shower before your little one arrives. #2) All of this changes my job situation. Let me explain... When I first started trying to get pregnant I was working for Thompson and Knight,LLP. The plan was to get pregnant, work through the pregnancy, and the quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom. When I lost my job at T&K, I decided to get a job doing something I would enjoy until I could get pregnant and then I would quit and stay home. Well, I got a job in childcare working at the Primrose School in Valley Ranch. I love my job and I think it has been a blessing for me. During a time when all I wanted was a child of my own, I was able to take care of lots of little ones all day long every day. Not to mention the fact that I have learned so much about babies and toddlers that will someday help me as a mother. I will go into motherhood being two steps ahead because of what I have experienced in my job. The problem is that I never intended for this to be a permanent job. It was only to have a job until I got pregnant. Since that hasn't happened yet, and I am now accepting the fact that it might not happen for a while, I feel differently about my job. I want more. I think there are greater things I could be doing with myself. So right now I am praying for guidance. I have this feeling that God is leading me somewhere else. I am considering the possibility of going back to school. It's a fresh idea, and definitely something I am going to be praying over for a while. If I do decide to do this it will be Fall of 2010. I have an idea as to what I want to do and where I want to go but I'm not going to say just yet. Before that can happen anyway we are going to spend this year paying off some of our existing dept and I am going to take the state exam to get my massage license. So we will see how things go! I am excited to see what God has in store for my life over the next year!

My Spiritual Journey

God had really been working in my life lately! He is teaching me so much and leading my life to new places. For so my own benefit of keeping track of things, and as a way to share with others what the Lord is doing my life, I thought I would write everything down here on my blog!

Kristin

Our new blog

Welcome to our new blog page! I have tried blogging before and was never successful at keeping up with it. So here I am making another attempt. Stay tuned to see how it goes!